the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
