I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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