i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
