found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
