allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
