I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
