Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
