Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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