Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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