Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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