I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
