My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
