I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
