WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
