he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
stop calling my apartment porn island.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
