I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
