My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
