so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
pray to the hookup gods
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
