so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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