my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
