You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
