i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
