I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
