Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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