Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!

(847): View more from Illinois

Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!

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(309): View more from Illinois

I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna

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(802): View more from Vermont

Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.

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(904): View more from Florida

In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.

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(209): View more from California

Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?

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(517): View more from Michigan

it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really

(1-517): View more from Michigan

...i feel like you have a lot of those.

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