We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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