All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
