ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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