Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
