hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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