I hate all girls vehemently.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
