They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Girls should come with a carfax report
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
