I wanna passion pit in your ass
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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