It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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