I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize