Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my being single is dangerous.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I have post one night stand depression
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
