its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just had sex on a roof
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
