Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
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When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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