Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
