There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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