Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
