Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
