he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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