This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
