Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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