I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
