We won't sleep together?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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