I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
