bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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