Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
