Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
