At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Such a big mess for such a small penis
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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