Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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