I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
