I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
