Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Oh god it's open bar.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
