I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
