She's JV to your varsity
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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