I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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