why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
