i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
