Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
