Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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