at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
