Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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