I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
its not stalking. its research.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
