I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
