Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
