I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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