He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
