Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
