I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
