tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
