You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
